You are what you speak

dad talking to son

Be impeccable with your word

Communication, it’s what we do every day. When you speak to others, is it more positive or negative? If you spent more time speaking positive words in your life how would you feel? See how your word can affect you, your loved ones and other people in your life. Change your life simply by speaking positive words in your life.

This is part 1 of a 4 part series inspired by the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. 

As you get to know me better, you’ll see that I am a huge fan of personal growth and development. Yes, those self-help, leadership development books, inspirational/positive quotes, and affirmations. Studying this topic has made me a better person and life a whole lot less stressful.

These books have a common theme, respect yourself and others, don’t be a dick, change your perspective, etc. In any case, I generally gain some new useful knowledge. I then use that to be a better influence on my son. One of the first books I read was The Four Agreements, and it’s still my favorite. 

Treat it with respect, you own it

Be impeccable with your word. Your word is the only thing you rightfully own. Yes, you own the clothes you’re wearing the phone or computer you’re reading this on and all the other material things in your life. But the only thing that you and only you can create and own is your word. 

You create the word in your mind and express it through your voice, writing, sign language, and your “self-talk”. When you break it all down your word is one of two things, positive or negative. Because your mind creates the word, you need to understand that your mind is like a fertile garden and your word is a seed. If your word is positive, you have positive things growing in your garden like love, happiness, tranquility, and prosperity. If your word is negative, you have negative things growing in your garden like anger, fear, hate, and resentment.

We all know that one person, that one that if they won the lottery for $1 million the first thing they would say is, “Well the government will get their half first.” Someone like that most likely has negative self-talk and speaks negatively about others. But more tragically, someone they love that was very close to them might have used their word negatively and hurt that person.  

What it means to be impeccable.

What does it mean to be impeccable? They define impeccable as 1: not capable of sinning or liable to sin. 2: free from fault or blame: flawless. So being impeccable with your word means to say what you will do and do what you say, and don’t use your words to hurt others or yourself, to lash out in anger or to seek revenge.

You might ask yourself what this has to do with being a stay-at-home-dad? The most obvious answer would be, notice how you talk to your child or around your child. I know that even though my son can’t verbally communicate with me, he can understand me to a certain extent. When I am happy and playful, he is happy and playful. When I get frustrated and change the tone of my voice, the smile goes away and the look on his face gets serious.

Planting a seed

What about when he understands what I am saying? If I would say “That is just so stupid or why did you do something so dumb”. What do you think would go through his mind after hearing that? He could say, “How could someone that loves me so much say that? Maybe I am dumb.” Now he has that negative seed planted in his head and our minds are so fertile that it grows and every time he makes a mistake or fails when trying something new, he says to himself, “dad was right I am dumb, I am so stupid” and that negative seed that I planted grows in his mind. Over time, his mind will be full of negative seeds which will cause him to become self-conscious and fearful to do or try new things. 

The same goes for you. Let’s be honest being a stay-at-home-dad can be lonely and depressing. Therefore, being impeccable with your word is so important. We are our own worst enemy. The words we state to ourselves are undeniably more harming than the words from others. Therefore, realizing your word is important now more than ever.  

For example, you could assume people judge you because of your role in the family or you could be grateful that you get to spend these years that fly by with your child. The one thing I hear from every parent is to cherish those moments when your child is little since they grow up and the years pass by so quick. So you could think individuals are passing judgment on you or you could think individuals are envious of you.

Help your child develop this skill 

The first step in my plan for teaching my son this skill set would be to practice and master this myself by becoming more aware of what I say, out loud and to myself. Practicing this out loud will allow my son to learn how to use his word because I am one of the most influential people in his life. This will also give me the ability to be more aware of how my son uses his word. With practice, I will teach him how to use his word positively.

I would also start asking him how he feels about things and why. Discussing his feelings and emotions at a young age will make sharing less uncomfortable when he gets older. I am a firm believer that your self-talk is far more damaging to your mental health and wellbeing than what other people say to you. 

I hope this blog provided you with some useful information. If you enjoyed this article, please sign up to receive my newsletter. Thank you and remember, if you shoot for the stars and come up short you’ll still land in the clouds, but if you shoot for the clouds and come up short, you’ll land in the dirt.

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